For those with big hearts and a conscience, the idea of influence can feel shallow or harmful. But holding our influence as “shallow” (a dimension of power) limits skillful ways of working with our gifts and experience. As a leader of social change- we can’t get around it. As power researcher Julie Diamond says “you cannot not influence”. Even if you don’t have a fancy title, social privilege or dominant identities- by virtue of being human, you’re influencing.
So if you are already influencing by virtue of being human, what does that mean for you as a leader of social change? How are you influencing? Are you aware of how your inner power (as much as your external power) helps or harms? And if not, how might you be ignoring or resisting your inner power?
Many leaders, even very senior ones, often believe they don’t have influence. And this increases the further away we get from decision making tables. Add in the slow rate of social change and the overwhelm from complex (and oppressive) systems- it’s easy to deny our influence and give our power away to others.
So if you and I are don’t believe that we have inner power (our unique mix of gifts, strengths and experience), this intimate inquiry may feel new. If we want to make a difference, consciously and on behalf of justice and equality, influence has to be felt, seen, and lived as part of our leadership.
To influence, and be in relationship with others, our actions and decisions need to be grounded in our genuine wholeness in order to have meaningful and respectful impact. And that’s our integrity.
Integrity- an invitation to wholeness
In circles of social change-making, integrity is framed by how we align our action with our principles (and politics). Intuition and instinct, and strong somatic truth-telling often alert us when our voices, behaviors or ways of expressing ourselves are “out of integrity”. When this happens, alarm bells might go off, to tell us “something is off”.
Yet, over the last while, I’ve realized that ‘integrity’ goes far beyond our moral principles to a deep honoring of where we’re at.
The etymological root of integrity, “integer” means wholeness. When we consider this historical thread, the word suddenly invites a deeper way of knowing. To be in ‘integrity’ is less about making principled decisions, but more about what makes us feel complete and whole.
This broader framing invites the question: are we living and leading in ways that honor the fullest version of ourselves? Are we bringing our creative, artistic, and spiritual selves as well as the part of us that is often flawed or oppressive. Are we able to recognize our fundamental dignity and gifts as well as harmful learned or unconscious behaviors?
Being in integrity invites being in right relationship with how we’re living and leading. At its heart, being in integrity is an expression of our wholeness and authenticity. A stance of integrity is a compassionate welcoming of what is, versus denigrating self-criticism. It includes our wisdom and experience, as well as our shadows, both as part of our fundamental wholeness. It’s about being ourselves, genuinely, as expressed through our brilliance and fragility.
Influence and Flow- Toward Co-Creation
Integrity is required for our ability to influence and be in genuine relationship with each other. Instead of its usual focus on popularity and cult celebrity status, I like to think of influence this way.
Stemming from the Latin root, “influere”, its origin means to flow. Influence is the activation and flow of our personal (inner) power. It includes our emotional, interpersonal and moral intelligence. It invites our spiritual selves and resources. Our inner power makes room for our creativity and artistic expression; and a bundle of unique gifts, wisdom, and experience.
If we let our gifts flow outward, influence becomes our ability to create movement and change through the right use of inner power. Rather than a manipulative act of domination for the shallow stuff (fame, money, superfluous love), influence becomes the natural flow of our wisdom, experience, and gifts in service to co-creation.
If we bring to bear the etymology of the word, influence also implies “flow in”- from the outside. This not only describes our own ability to contribute to change but also our receptivity to being influenced.
In this way, there are two directions of exchange: from inside us to the outside, and from the outside in. Influence then, is the dynamic interplay of our gifts and ideas, wisdom and experience at different scales. Rather than something that is one-sided, it signals an interdependence between you and others, the collective or the system you’re working in. In other words, influence is the flow of whatever inner gift you choose to offer and receive.
When I think about influence this way, all the common cliches fall apart. The territory offers a more generative way of understanding of how we can use what we’ve got on behalf of co-creation.
How we soften tension on the street or legislatures requires fewer memes, less outrage, and a greater emphasis on the art of exchange and connection. Reading Krista Tippet’s insightful book Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living, she talks about Anthony Appiah, a philosopher who recognizes that “change begins to happen in the human heart slowly, over time. Only then do the movements and leaders come along and topple the structures” (p. 134). For me, Appiah’s idea captures the quality of influencing with integrity. Where slowly, methodically- one heart at a time, our leadership moves us toward genuine self-expression, justice, and service on behalf of the collective.
Julie Diamond, in her book Power: A User’s Guide, reminds us that our “ability to influence others depends on being able to gain the respect of others. Respect cannot be taken; it has to flow freely from the hearts of those who follow (emphasis mine)” (pp. 115).
This re-framing, of both integrity and influence, asks us to be in both a dynamic exchange with ourselves and one another. Influence is most effective when we fully inhabit our integrity- allowing our gifts to flow in respectful service to others. In this way, we continue the slow, deliberate and messy work of social and cultural change.
PRACTICE FOR YOU: Your Relationship with Influence
I invite you to become more intimate with your relationship to influence, using the lens of integrity. Consider this exploration with fresh or beginner eyes. What can you become aware of in your leadership and your life, that contributes to a more meaningful life and an equal world?
Grab your favorite journal, your phone, or record yourself on a walk when you’ve got a brief break. Pick one or any of the questions below to deepen your own inquiry.
Journaling Prompts:
- As you read this what feels fresh or helpful to you?
- How do you understand integrity?
- What’s your relationship with influence? Where do you source it from?
- Where do you welcome it, hide it, ignore or disown your own influence?
- Where might your influence unintentionally silence or harm others?
- How does your influence inspire changes in the human heart?
- What might the idea of interdependence between integrity and influence liberate for you or your team?
Then I’d love you to comment below! What stands out? What insight would you love to share, from your own direct experience? Please share with us.
With love,
Jennifer
