When culture change is slow- we find someone to blame

Culture change is exhausting. Unless we are planning a complete dismantling (which more of us are keen on these days), systems change work feels more like a slow grind, a gradual nudge, or the unfolding of a long, convincing argument.

Sure there are revolutions, unravellings, and upheavels. These come in waves across time and space. (My earliest memory was watching the toppling of the Berlin Wall when I was 14.) And since the late 80s, subtle and loud expressions of protest everywhere.

Yet within democracies, like Canada, revolutionary work tends to be tireless, focused, strategic and collaborative by nature. Work is propelled by village activists, elder visionaries, and deeply committed humans. Success is not only the outcome, but the process of change-making. Through talking and beading together (particularly in the Northwest), diverse voices are expressed, agency and dignity encouraged…all the while strategically focused on influencing decisions and political will. 

This work is slow, yet powerful. It is marked by the dedication and commitment of people (frequently women, Indigenous, LGBTQ2S+, and people of colour) who have lived through suffering, oppression and systemic marginalization.

They bring their political acumen, education, open-minded selves and work collectively to nudge systems and institutions in new directions. And this, requires endurance to withstand the inevitable hurdles. 

Depending from which angle you participate in a system, you’ll likely see that a clash of missions, philosophical differences, bureaucratic process, political power, and interpersonal conflict act as feathering back breaks, slowing down any change process. 

In countries with loads of checks and balances, this inevitably takes time.

And when culture change is slow, well-placed blame can relieve our excruciating frustration and impatience. We can point fingers and get some answers. But ultimately, it can create fissures and undermine our endurance to keep at the long-game.   

 

The two poles of blame- me or them

 

Blame is either cast out or in.

When it’s cast out, you separate yourself from others, ignoring your interdependence. Remember the last time someone said to you:  “who was responsible for that”?  I can’t believe they dropped the ball!”

In moments like this, you may be secretly relieved that it’s not you . A focus on third person, or “them”, serves to take “you” out of the story, erasing your role or responsibility. 

On the other side of the pole, you can direct blame inwardly.

This happens particularly when you do not reflect the majority (which shifts depending on context). You are either blamed or take on more responsibility when projects don’t go as planned.

Here, your inner dialogue ramps up and thoughts become turn to doubt or self-criticism.

It must have been the way I talked.
I’m too pushy.
Not forceful or clear enough.
I wasn’t prepared.
I didn’t fit in, because I didn’t use their jargon.
I need another credential to be taken seriously.
I couldn’t relate to anything they said; I am so out of it….

Whether you spiral into unhelpful self-criticism or shift blame to someone else, blame can serve to discharge your deep discomfort with uncertainty. You might channel your anger, frustration and impatience, which can provide some temporary (if not unhealthy) relief when feeling out of control. 

Either way, both of these moves limit your influence. Blaming serves to keep you separate, erode trust, and make it difficult to collaborate with honesty and vulnerability. It shames ourselves, and others, undermining your energy, passion, and willingness to move forward.

 Ultimately, it slays your endurance for long-term social change work.

 

Shift from blame to freedom of responsibility to support endurance

 

While it’s easy to blame to create some control- you can shift to the freedom of responsibility by posing a different question.

Instead of asking ‘whose fault was that?’ you can inquire, “how am I contributing? This question then becomes an electric wake up call, cuing your curiosity and awareness.

“How am I contributing?” emphasizes that you’re not separate from others or the system you’re trying to change. Rather, the question gets at the heart of the matter: you ARE the system.

This reframing enables new growth and development, by shifting from blame to the freedom of responsibility. To do so, you benefit from leadership capacities such as curiosity, humility, shifting perspectives and interdependence.

Curiosity: you shift from pointing fingers to living the question of how you are contributing to the challenge. This can support the development and deepening of wisdom of where and how the hurdles are presenting themselves.

Humility: you gently witness how you’re showing up and contributing to the reality before you, no matter how painful.

Shifting perspectives: you begin to see how simple stories limit your ability to respond in nuanced ways. Simplicity relies heavily on either/or thinking and can obscure your generative solutions. Slipping in and out of different perspectives can bring awareness and commitment to our collective responsibility.

Interdependence: rather than experiencing yourself (mind, body, heart) as independent and separate from your allies, funders, challengers or resistors in culture change, you can experience yourself as interdependent. While someone may have ‘more responsibility’, you’ll be able to more easily identify and focus on your contribution to any particular challenge.

Practice for You: Those are YOUR dishes!

 

A fun way to explore your relationship with blame (and shame), is to experiment in a low risk, every-day context.

If you are living with others, I invite you to practice with the dishes. (Because there is never any conflict or debate here. Ha! But, if you live alone, begin to practice by just noticing where blame shows up for you, and its impact on your energy in relation to your change-making).

For one week, become an astute observer around dish duty without expectations. (The goal of the practice is to observe if and when blame emerges, how it serves you, and where there are micro-entries into the freedom of responsibility. The practice is intended to offer is a gateway into self-observation).

 Reflect and notice the following:

•  How you categorize your labor and efforts.
• How you assign stories to roles, domestic responsibilities etc.
• What assumptions you bring to this daily effort? Get curious about any interpretations you make?
• How quickly do you blame pile-ups, sticky eggs, and other minor offenses on others? Do you tend to blame some members of your household and not others (ie. not you)?
• What happens in your body when you begin to create a simple story around roles and responsibilities?
• What hurdles are you creating or amplifying through blame?
• Where is the opportunity for reframing or taking responsibility?

What might this micro-practice shine light on the ways in which blame (of others or self) unfold in your leadership work?

Endurance through the hurdles of social and systems change-making is possible when we tear down our own.

Recognizing what undermines and destabilizes our endurance can support an energizing point of liberation.

Working with and through the natural human tendency to blame, and the array of criticism that befalls it, supports the ongoing development work of an awake and aware leader.

It enables you to amplify your own ‘self-as-instrument’ to more easily influence and lead through the ups and downs of systems change work.

Your work towards equitable and just systems doesn’t need simple stories of blame or harsh self-criticism. Rather it needs you to awaken, to work your edges because your inner transformation cultivates our collective change work.

Xo

Jennifer