Confused?
I’ve got to admit something. It’s the end of the 2019, and I feel like I should talk about accomplishments and celebrations. But I’d rather talk about the experience of confusion and what it means.
If you don’t know me, I have big (old) news.
I left an amazing job and team in gender equality and started my own business: #consciousbusiness #SheEO
And even though I am wildly happy with the decision, and the momentum I’m gaining, there have been many times when I’ve felt confused and uncertain.
I’ve had to remind myself that these experiences can be helpful when I’m in transition.
Confusion’s got a bad rep. It can be a warning signal for complacency and no action. It can perpetuate fear and distract us from what’s needed. Confusion can also be a sharp snag on a barb-wired fence, not letting us wiggle free when our intentions are fuzzy.
Another way to interpret confusion
It can be a gentle reminder that we’re in between two poles of our fundamental experience of being human: belonging and becoming.
As described by spiritual teacher Thomas Hubl, belonging and becoming are two forces that tug on our sense of self, connected by an infinity circle.
We’re constantly moving through this circle at different stages of our development. As we expand and grow into new stages of self-expression, new experiences and questions emerge.
Belonging:
Where do I belong, now? To which groups do I feel most connected or aligned? How can I serve in a way that feels authentic and uses my strengths, in this moment?
Becoming:
Who am I, really? I don’t feel like the person I used to be, but I’m not sure who that is now?
Can you feel into these two different kinds of natural tugs?
One feels more like a feminine embrace of wholeness and the other a masculine drive for growth and action. We have both of these feminine and masculine energies within us, regardless of gender identity and expression.
And it’s important to know that sometimes, when in transition, it’s normal to feel unsure of where we belong or who we’re becoming.
Belonging
We all desire to belong to something bigger than ourselves. Whether it’s our crazy multi-generational family, our diverse neighbourhood, an insider to our local coffee or cheese shop…
The experience of belonging is an open, embracing field of connection and groundedness. Looking back at your own development, starting in your teens, you might recall your experiences of ‘trying to find’ “your people”. And then repeated this experience many times over throughout your adult lifetime.
Maybe recently you’ve shared with a friend that you’ve finally found “your people”, where you do less explaining and more ‘being’. It’s a sweet experience where you and your gifts feel seen, appreciated, and welcomed.
I belong.
And deeper down lies another question: how do you belong to yourself? How do you hold yourself in seasons of transition and uncertainty, so that you can come home to your bones and soul?
Becoming
While belonging is all about coming home to yourself, or to something that grounds you, there is another energetic movement that propels you ‘forward’: becoming.
It’s always been there. From the moment you were born and then when you began to crawl and explore a larger world. This is the longing, the pull of desire, the emergent state of an evolving self. It can be our identities, our strengths, our role in community or company or organization. What am I being called to experience, learn and grow into?
I AM becoming.
Belonging and Becoming: Polarity
Two forces or fundamental human experiences are connected by an infinity circle. You can think about them as two ends, or poles, of a breath that flows in and then…. flows out.
We’re constantly being pulled around the loop.
Can you feel into this, for you? Can you see that any confusion in the territory in between, may be a sign that you’re in development? Which is just another way of saying that you’re leaving current territory and heading for something further afield.
This further afield, can be inside you….or outside.
PRACTICE FOR YOU
As we look back at 2019, whether it’s through the lens of uncertainty and confusion (who am I really?) and towards 2020 ( what am I becoming?), here is a reflective practice to help you come home.
Remember: confusion is often a marker that you’re in new territory of exploration.
So grab a comforting hot drink, a writing journal or phone, and explore the following belonging/becoming polarity for 20-30 minutes:
1) Where did you feel belonging?
- Where did you experience the most grounding this year?
- When did you feel most alive?
- What are you most proud of?
2) What are you becoming?
- What do you desire most?
- What do you need to let go of, to be more authentically you?
- What is the body of work you most want to create?
Now, I’d love to hear from you in the Comment section below! How do you navigate confusion when you’re in a time of growth and transition? What helps you most?
Xo,
Jennifer
PS. Have you got your FREE new beautiful Mini-Guide for #consciousleaders working with diverse teams, across lines of identity, mission and values yet? Click here to the main page and sign up for 5 Ways to Make Difference Work for You!
