What I’m learning from the new Gen Zs
Do you hang out with many Gen Z’s? It’s the super tech generation- the ones under 24 years old. I’ve got two of them in my house and in addition to their digital skills, I’m most impressed by their emotional intelligence.
In particular, I’ve noticed how my pre-teen and early teenager take on “the rumble”, as Brene Brown likes to call it. How they reconcile their story about a situation and a wider, bigger truth. I watch them take less and less time to cool down, apologize, and work it out.
They’re learning how to this better than I did.
Sure, they rely on righteous blame, especially on Saturday mornings. “You took more maple syrup for your waffles than I did!!” But they tend to retreat from the momentarily freeing experience of blame, to taking responsibility and owning what they feel.
In contrast, when I had fights with my sibling I spent more time in my room hand writing apologies with unicorn stickers and then slipping them underneath my sister’s door.
Evolution’s at work, and its notable between my Gen X and the new Gen Z.
When conversations feel hard and you don’t always know why
I was in a conversation with a friend recently, which I left feeling a bit “yucky”.
During our time together I had a fleeting sense that I needed to address something, but quickly the conversation gathered momentum and took off on its own trail. I looked back briefly, and thought, “how did I miss that”? Then another moment came. I was about to say something, paused, waiting for the ‘right moment’ and my friend took it down another trail. More body wisdom than cognitive realization, I knew I’d lost the opportunity to be clear, again.
By the end of the conversation, I had the distinct feeling of shame- a full body experience of “yuck” at the epicenter of my upper stomach. I felt disappointed with myself because I didn’t pay close enough attention to my moment to moment awareness, nor act on the truth it was telling.
It takes courage and continuous practice to express our self clearly and honestly. To live in and from each present moment, fully claiming our unique perspectives and experiences, while not alienating the other, is the work.
The importance of a first person perspective
So those emotionally intelligent Gen Z’s are not doing it all on their own, due to some lucky DNA.
Rather it’s the culmination of a few decades of extraordinary deep work in psychology, mind-body somatics, mindfulness, and our wisdom traditions. This work is coupled with the courage to practice vulnerability and responsibility for our lives.
So how do we strengthen our ability to practice clarity? How can we strengthen our first person perspective in the confusing terrain of interpersonal complexity? How can we choose vulnerability and responsibility over the temptation to make up stories about the other person?
A first person perspective (speaking from “I”) requires our ability to sense IN to moment-to-moment awareness. And moment-to-moment awareness yields clarity of feeling, sensation, and thought.
Practice for You: Clarity through Moment to Moment Awareness
Conscious leaders recognize that our bodies are a source of wisdom that will always provide answers, complimenting our intellectual muscles.
A simple way into moment-to-moment awareness is to ask two simple questions:
1. “What’s coming up for me in my body?”
Find an answer in the realm of sensation (not emotion). This could be: “I feel a tightness in my chest, a nervousness in my stomach, dry throat, a sense of pulling back”.
2. “What’ s arising in my emotional sphere?”
This could be: anger, frustration, confusion, excitement, nervousness, shame, joy, uncertainty…
For the next week, practice with one of these questions as you go in and out of easier and harder interactions with your fellow humans. The benefit: it’ll pull you away from the easy route of judgment and assumptions about the other person by grounding you directly in first-person perspective.
For most of us, finding our way to clarity is a journey.
So take whatever word describes it best: muck, rumble, haziness, lost, confusion, doubt…and trust that these challenging emotions of yours are pointing the way to clarity. There you’ll find the freedom that emerges when we honor our first person perspective (“I”) all along.
Whatever generation we find ourselves in, communicating clearly with kindness, is a lifetime practice that will always meander between ‘easy’ and ‘hard’. When the practice comes easily, it fuels us and when it’s hard compassion and a beginner’s mind will ground us.
Xo
Jennifer
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