I can’t. I won’t. Never. Don’t even…
Here’s the thing. Humans have a love/hate relationship with change. If it’s on our terms, and we are in control, we like, even love it. But if someone else is imposing it, or external conditions are driving, we hate it. I can get down with my new office, as long as I have some choice about the big window or fun colleague I sit next to. But change my neighbourhood restaurant’s menu, the look of my Windows browser, or how my teenager communicates and I can feel thrown off and resentful. This is standard human complexity.
What kind of change are you down with? What kind of change terrifies you, pisses you off, causes you stress, tension, or full-on resistance?
Whether we love or hate it, humans thrive on growth, development, and expansion. Our economy, politics, and cultural innovations thrive in mash ups, incubators, and experiments.
If you are leading any kind of cause (maybe a new business, theatre project, territory-wide social/environmental initiative), you likely want to change the status quo. And not just the little things, like how we allocate office space, but how we fundamentally improve services for vulnerable people, design our governance models, or integrate green technology into the fabric of our communities.
With big visions, tiredness, resistance, cynicism eventually chime in. People say (never you, by the way) “its never going to work”, “I can’t” “We won’t be able to do that because…” Familiar? You probably have a favorite saying from your resistors […..].
Contraction and Expansion
And so begins the push/pull between two polarities: contraction and expansion. Retreat/Full tilt. Reverse/Gear 5. Or you could say, one step forward, two steps back.
It is easy to want to negotiate or find “middle ground” in any kind of change initiative. Going half way, or compromising can be our go-to fix for the body discomfort we feel when no-one agrees.
But to shift and transform the status quo, an equal blend of contraction and expansion won’t do. Rather it is about curiosity and discernment about what is being called forth, while listening and honouring what those “voices of fear, judgment and cynicism” are trying to protect.
Skillfully working with polarities, of all kinds, is the increasingly wise work of embodied leadership.
Practice
Getting Curious- How will you know?
So what do you pay attention to when resistance shows up? Ask: what is the contraction on behalf of? What am my colleagues committed to? How can I listen for and acknowledge their values, so that we can find ways of bringing these forward (toward expansion) together?
Then, what tells you progress is being made, shifts are unfolding, or shit that matters is getting done? What evidence do you privilege and why?
If any part of this resonates, leave a comment below! I’ll even answer 🙂 Let me know how you are working with this polarity this week?
Jennifer
P.S. If you want a powerful coaching program at your back, as you wade up river against the “I-cant-it-won’t-works” (if I can make this a noun), I can help. Book a Discovery Session now to get the results you’re looking for!
P.P.S Want more beauty? One of my favourite Mother’s Day weekend adventures is pictured over on Instagram. I’d love you to comment!
