Perfectionism- the unshakable identity?

 

On Spotify, groovy folks make playlists to evoke moods: dark and stormy, swagger, sunny morning, raging. It covers a good bit of our sad/happy emotional range.

I’d rather make you a playlist inspired by something else. I’d call it “Imperfectly”. And the first track would be Ani Difranco’s song of the same name.

 

And here’s why.

 

I’ve been paying attention to the off-hand commentary by leaders on what trips them up. “Oh that’s just part of my perfectionist tendencies” “I’m a perfectionist”, or “I am not sure if I’m [good, smart, capable, effective] enough”.

 

While perfectionism is spoken about with self-awareness, it often is expressed as an irrefutable identity.

Writer and thinker, Brene Brown has found that “we struggle with perfectionism where we are most vulnerable to shame”.

This past week, I’ve heard leaders and people with lived experience share their hopes and frustrations about health care. When I asked about what’s getting in the way of better systems and wellness, I was surprised by their answers.

 

It wasn’t money, people, time or energy- but people and their attachment to certain ways of doing something.

Where we’re vulnerable to shame

 

If you’re leading social and environmental innovation, pay attention to where Perfection (let’s capitalize this for a moment) shows up.

 

Perfection’s got a good playlist, and its loud and taking up space.

 

Perfection shows up as unrelenting pushing. The heavy weight of responsibility, with long workdays and few boundaries. Perfection says quiet or apologizes when someone else’s vision isn’t realized. She demands us to try harder, erase the mistakes, and control the uncontrollable.

 

Letting Perfection, and the driver of Shame, have her own way means erasure over engagement, hiding over honesty, fear over courageous openness, the status quo over brilliant risk taking.

 

Perfection shows up where we are most vulnerable to shame.

 

The work of innovation, reconciliation, decolonization, equality, climate change work demands that as we not only wrestle with system complexity but the blunt and raw force of shame.

 

The research on vulnerability has skewered “perfectionism” right through the gut. Shame shuts down innovation. Full stop.

 

And the way into radical transformation- at whatever scale is through the open heart of vulnerability.

 

 

PRACTICE- Good Enough

 

Where does “getting it right”, “being more”, “doing more”, “executing something perfectly” show up these days?

 

Can you tell when shame is arising and where it dances in your body? It’s sensation and energetic bandwidth? What’s its theme song, if it could have its own?

 

Where does shame show up in the tone and dynamics of your meetings? Decision-making? Whose voices are ignored or silenced? What differences are erased?

 

So let’s start small.

 

If you were to bring compassion to ‘aiming for perfection’- what do you have to let go? What could be just “good enough” this week?

 

However you decide to play with imperfection, I’ll make you that playlist. Even better, a mixed tape. But to be honest, I’d rather make it together.

 

So add your favorite theme song that celebrates IMPERFECTION in the comment below and tell us why it resonates with you. If we can pull together a bunch, I’ll make it public on Spotify and you can invite your friends.

 

Who knows, maybe they’ll make a new Mood theme just for us.

Jennifer

 

P.S Want more some imperfect inspiration? Head on over to Instagram– I’ll be posting from the wilds of Alaska this weekend. Reply and post some of your own images!