Judging my experience of overwhelm

 

I have to be reminded that we’re in a pandemic.

Because, as one of my coping strategies in uncertainty, I behave like we’re NOT in one, and then become frustrated with myself.

This tends to happen when I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed. Like, last weekend when I couldn’t do anything.

I lost all motivation. I couldn’t do the dishes, organize groceries, or plan our family canoe trip. I couldn’t organize myself for a run, or initiate good conversation. Instead, I watched myself whirl around the house and garden, devoid of focus or purpose. Nothing seemed to help integrate my mind, body, and soul into a cohesive whole. I felt guilty for not helping around the house, or peeling back the layers of resistance between me and my contemplative practice. I did ask myself “what is wrong with me!?” Ahh…. welcome back fierce critic.

The turning point came when I lost my Visa card (this was later in the afternoon) again. Second time in a few months.

Fierce critic was on fire now. Can’t even remember a simple thing like putting your card back in your wallet…

My eleven-year old daughter witnessed the charge of my frustration before I did. She offered to join in the search, with a “I’ve-got-this-mom” certainty.

Of course she found it, with a clear mind and open heart. She found it in the car I hadn’t checked, because I had entirely forgotten I’d driven it two days prior.

Her love and a hand-drawn card of hearts and hands (a card!) suddenly softened my frustration and inertia, and my state shifted from overwhelm to receptivity.

We cut carrots. She sat in my lap. We talked about how protect the new baby chickadees from our resident aggressive squirrel: you know, decent dinner conversation.

What the Experience of Overwhelm Tells You

 

It took another day for me to process and make sense of the inertia I’d experienced on the weekend.

At first glance, I had to *remember that we’re in dynamic times. From quarantine, police brutality, systemic racism, global protests, the insanity of parenting/working/schooling from home, and grieving losses small and large-there’s a lot to make meaning of.

The level of disruption now, feels is like a river in flood. There’s no stopping it, and you’re never sure what debris it will unleash.

My overwhelm is not only the experience of having too much to do and not enough time to do it.

When I decided to dig deeper, I found something tender and free.

With a dear mentor of mine, we used the Law of Three (in the contemplative wisdom tradition), to bring new meaning. Working with a triad of forces (let’s call them), including push back, desire, and a new arising this is what I found.

I realized that my experience of push back (the inertia/judging my overwhelm), collided with my desire (to plan for a river trip), was met with a “third force” or reconciling moment (my daughter’s card saying, you don’t need to do it all, Mum)…which lead to a new arising: a spacious presence (my state).

 The brilliance of the Law of Three is that it we can see that our resistance is just part of being human and that something wiser and deeper often comes from it.

 

For me, it was a quality of  spacious presence, that enabled a flow of connection and togetherness (the carrots, the dinner table cuddles and conversation).

Overwhelm in Leadership and why this means you’re fully human

 

 As a leader, your inclination may be to get rid of the “overwhelm”, before getting curious about its meaning.

And not just why you’re overwhelmed, but how meeting it fully can move you into a new state or way of perceiving what’s around you.

So while I don’t advocate hanging out too long in a high-energy/low resourceful state, I believe your experience of overwhelm holds wisdom.

You can see it as evidence that you’re actually living fully into your own and others’ humanity. Here are a few reasons why:

• It means you can feel into the layers of root causes, and resist a quick fix- even if social media implores you  to find one.
• You realize that the local and the global are interdependent, including your actions, perceptions, and decisions.
• You know that the old hierarchical divisions of power and privilege must collapse, in order to generate inclusion, equality, and justice.
• You know (and want) to experiment with new forms, structures, and governance.
• You intuit that the rational voice of reason needs to be integrated with the heart, body, and soul into traditional settings- and this is messy and raw.

 

Sensing into all of this can feel overwhelming. So much so, that you might even ask: “Am I doing enough?”

As a visionary, systems change leader, and lover of humanity, the work before us is vulnerable, hard to do and exhausting. And here, at the moment of overwhelm, you are touching the full breadth and weight of your humanity.

Practice for You: 1,2,3, Stop…

 

This practice is inspired from a current poem fav of mine from poet, performance artist, zen monk, and mama Brooke McNamara. Here’s her poem, reproduced with permission.

STOP WITH ME
Stop. Stop working. Stop trying to stop working.
Stop trying. Stop being lazy. Stop searching for meaning.
Stop landing anywhere. Stop acting confused. Stop.
Stop locking up your mysteries. Let me in. Stop rearranging
the surface features of your life. Stop thinking deep is deep. Stop thinking
blood is red. Stop hoarding the blood-red wisdom unborn in you.
There’s got to be a better way. Do you love me? Stop
loving me. Stop unloving me. Stop tearing me apart.
Stop with me. Let’s stop together. Six seconds. Ready. Set. Stop.
Now let’s stop together forever,
and let the stopping go.

From Feed Your Vow

So each day for the next two weeks, try this. As you are sipping your morning smoothie, tea or coffee and getting your head round the work of the day, take out a piece of paper and write the prompt:

I give myself permission to “1, 2, 3…. Stop” these things today:

As I think of it, today….mine are:

-Working past 4:30pm
-Comparing myself to others ‘further’ along (in pretty much anything)
-Ignoring my body’s pain in my upper back
-Judging my overwhelm

***

By letting go of all of it- the doings, the not doings, the judgments, and layers of additional pressures, of getting somewhere or not getting somewhere….we surrender to something greater.

And when we can surrender, to a deeper place of being with ourselves (pressure lid off), it is easier to listen more intimately as to what the experience of overwhelm is calling us to.

We are in this together- the fight for equality, sustainability, a call to love, the act of service. Not one of us, holds up the earth on our backs alone.

Jennifer

 

PS. I have a limited number of one:one coaching spots opening up for the fall. If want in and are curious to learn more about how an Integral Coaching program could support your leadership, you can book a free Discovery Session here.

PPS. I have an exciting online offering that is coming in October 2020. It’s a 6 month experiential leadership program for those wanting to expand and thrive in disruption, complexity, and chaos. You can check it out here www.bravesparkleadership.com