The cost of bracing

Are you in the midst of massive change- one that’s visionary and maybe even confusing? It could be a cool project, scaling up a business, or fundamentally re-orientating how you live life.

Either way, you’re likely in new territory. And as adults, when we make big shifts, there’s often an experience of disorientation.

Now this disorientation can be unsettling, n’est pas? When the scenery changes on our river trip and we’re navigating new rapids, boulders, tight turns, and sweepers- it’s easy to lose our bearings and experience aversion (get me out of this boat!!). When the world, our company, or our family is headed into unknown territory, a normal reflex is to madly back paddle.

Working against the force of change to return to the calm waters of familiarity requires tremendous kinetic energy.

While you have your own unique fingerprint of resistance– bracing is a common strategy.

You brace against deadlines through avoidance, delays, or a lower quality of work. Or you brace by building protective armor around your heart – forgetting how you really want to show up.

With all the bracing, there might be a part of you that wants to give up. And who doesn’t, you say in a serious tone to your partner over cinnamon toast in the morning?

Under the torrential momentum of any major change, it’s easy to focus on survival.

The cost of this bracing is we limit our capacity to take many perspectives on the change before us. And we spend tremendous energy tightening the grip onto a serious image of who we should be.

Interrupt your seriousness: get productive and gain momentum

Yet, visionary change requires a degree of seriousness. We must increase our capacities on stamina and endurance.

(Just think about what it’s going to take to transform our grids to sustainable energy sources, ending violence, collaborating with self-governing Indigenous nations, preserving ecosystems as mega-cities grow!)

To dig deep into the well of our own endurance, we must be clear on our intentions, sharpen our discipline, and pace ourselves along the way.

In new levels of complexity, we can develop the capacity to take ourselves and projects/dreams seriously so creativity (in contrast to bracing) thrives.

And we must also do something else.

We must invest in our capacities for stamina and focus, and relax our grip, so that we gain momentum and productivity in the change that matters.

This new force, that of relaxing and taking ourselves less seriously, is a way of interrupting our resistance. While we could think about this as a ‘habit’ I prefer to think of it as a developmental capacity to shift our energy and bring more lightness to our ways of showing up.

Practice for You: Play like Lion Cubs

Ok, so this practice might a bit different than you’re used to. 🙂

If you’re in the midst of a huge project or big life change- here’s a way to invite playfulness into your daily life. The purpose is to disrupt your own seriousness, support an energetic re-set, and make way for creative exploration.

Daily:

With your kid or a safe/respectful partner or friend, engage in a friendly living room wrestling match. (I’ve done this, don’t be scared…) Try this especially when you’re energy feels heavy, demotivating, or low.

1. Set some ground rules. Remember, the intention is not to hurt the other, or ‘win’ but to create a way of moving energy in an unstructured and respectful way. Think of lion cubs…gentle, teasing, playful.

2. Pay attention to how long it takes your energy to move or shift from heavy to light.

3. What do you notice changes in your energy (quality), mind, and body as you engage in embodied play with your partner/friend?
4.  How does this playful practice, open up for you in the midst of a significant change process? What clarity does it bring you?

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To work with the polarities of focus and relaxing creates a way forward when we’ve braced against change. It helps you find that sweet spot between your gifts and what’s called for, as we swim in the river of becoming.

xo

Jennifer