Your ache to grow
You may have a longing, an ache that won’t go away; an ache to transgress all your known boundaries of selfhood. Not with the intention of forgetting ‘self’, but of wildly expanding your gifts and presence into something bigger.
Within the field of human development we recognize that adults continue to develop to meet the inherent difficulties of our times. We do this naturally. When we take on a new role, when we are flung into a crisis and solve it, or when something challenging is asked of us.
Aside from these demands, many of us want to be more intentional about our development.
We can feel a pull within our being. Something calls us to wake up, grow up, and meet the day with more presence, depth, and skillfulness.
And yet even when this call is strong there is an equal and opposing force, universal in nature. It’s called Resistance.
It’s the resistance to your growth, change, and development. Resistance to stillness, mindfulness, or simply Being. Resistance to any shift from your well-worn habits.
Don’t turn your back.
As leaders, we must skillfully work with our resistance. Not simply to slay it and claim victory for its disappearance, but to know it intimately. We need to recognize what it’s on behalf of and to integrate it into an ever-expanded sense of wholeness.
What a childhood story taught me about resistance
“Resistance is Insidious…it will assume any form, if that’s what it takes to deceive you,” writes author Stephen Pressfield.
A childhood story to illustrate:
My dad used to tell a bedtime story when I was little. It was always Jennifer (me) the Frog and Mimi (my sister) the Mouse. A clown saunters down the country road and appeals to their hot mid-summer boredom. He invites them to play a game. “How about I disappear and return disguised as something else. Your challenge is to guess who I am”. Jennifer the Frog and Mimi the Mouse are always ready to play (in real life and the story), and begin to anticipate the various transformations of the clown. It might be the return of a cast of characters- the limping elephant, the loud-mouthed buffoon, the egregious eel, or the pious moth. Inevitatebly the clown has transformed into the surreal, the hidden. A silent shooting star perhaps. And then Jennifer the Frog and Mimi the Mouse are surprised. Every time. [There were years of this story, repeating in various guises].
This shape shifting and constant transformation is the deceptive cloak of resistance. It hides, shape-shifts, taunts, delivers convincing arguments, distracts us, and disables momentum.
Resistance is a show of force to keep us confined to a small boundaried self.
As leaders of social and environmental change, innovation and creativity need us to collectively break through team and societal resistance. Our success depends upon it. But first, you need to get intimate with your own.
Practice- Identify your unique resistance fingerprint
We each have our own unique form(s) of resistance. Not just one or two, but patterns upon patterns. You might call it our ‘resistance fingerprint’.
You start by becoming a mindful and sharp observer of your daily forms of resistance to change or development.
Take a few moments now to pause while you’re reading this and breathe deeply. Bring to mind an area of your work or life where you sense you want grow or develop but things aren’t going as planned. It might be an area where you feel a bit or a lot stuck.
[Side note- Feel any resistance to even doing THIS brief practice? Well done then. You’ve been able to sniff Resistance out!]
Over the next two weeks, observe where and when you are resisting growth or change. Jot down any impressions on your smart phone or in a journal. Moods, behaviours, emotions, situations. Get as particular as you can. In the very moment you begin to feel the resistance:
What does your mind chatter say?
How is your body responding? Is it bracing, tightening, or checking out?
How are you interacting with others?
What impulses do you feel? [confront, run, fight/flight]
The goal is to become familiar with what your Resistance uniquely feels and looks like. Fall in love with your Resistance and embrace its flaws and beauty. Only then can you skillfully work with it.
So in the comments below, tell me about your most common form of resistance you’re discovering! Sharing your experience helps us accelerate the collective movement to awaken and meet the next level of leadership we’re growing into.
xo,
Jennifer
PS. Interested in diving more deeply? For a fun summer read, I suggest Do the Work by Stephen Pressfield. It’s a short, snappy number on inner resistance and how to work with it. Poetic. Sharp. Wise reflections chiseled from the depths of creating.
PPS. Interested in working on your longing and unique forms or resistance with cutting edge human development approach combined with the wisdom of mindfulness? Check out three programs, custom-designed to help you meet your developmental goals.
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