The Trap of Career Performativity
Whitehorse. Circa 2014.
I was a senior executive in the public sector leading a gender equality department.
Walking the tightrope between bureaucracy and grassroots feminism, I became increasingly tired, navigating the painfully slow rate of change through the four-year political cycle.
While I loved my team, I wanted more creative expression and fewer briefing notes. At the time, I was diving deep into Integral coaching, mindfulness and contemplation and felt called to do something with it.
But I held back.
Skeptical of leaving a great government job, in a small northern town, I tried to convince myself that I wanted bigger teams and the security of a thirty-year pension.
But no matter how many legislative sittings I committed to, my body began to rebel.
Discontent was brewing. Creativity was waning and my speech was filled with increasingly bureaucratic pithy statements. I felt trapped by limited options, context and my own mediocrity.
Under this heaviness, my body began to speak. Quietly at first. But then louder, culminating as ailments that I worried would have bigger consequences.
Before I turned forty, I was navigating daily heart flutters, hot flashes and restless nights.
My trips to the Midlife Health Clinic and conversations with a wise NP, helped me realize that my body was saying: girl, you are going in entirely the wrong direction.
I think of these signs as my somatic graffiti; loud enough to stop me in my tracks mid-career.
Emergent Intuition
So I left government, getting honest with myself about how I’d followed a certain career performativity rather than trust my own intuitive whispers.
When I finally said yes to my emergent intuition, creativity and purpose all the rebellious symptoms disappeared.
Your body is a wild temple of wisdom.
If you can tether yourself to it you will be able to hear not just information, but an ever-emerging wisdom.
The wisdom of our bodies and intuition is one that all leaders have access.
It helps you shift from reactivity to intention, from performativity to aligned action, from status quo to liberated vision.
If you choose to listen and trust it, you will grow the capacity to be present, discern and trust right action- for yourself, your team, and your cause for a better world.
There is no perfect way of listening, tuning in.
But slowing down and pausing allows you to ‘tune in’ and pay attention to what your whole being (body, mind, and heart) is saying.
Practice for You: How much pause/stillness do you experience?
Play with a daily stillness audit.
Get curious: how much time do you spend in stillness? How often are you aware that you are breathing effortlessly? How often are you aware of the congruence or incongruence between your body and your thoughts/stories?
1) In the morning: make an intention to notice when you have paused from the busy work of ‘doing’ (activities, tasks, busy mind planning).
2) At lunch: take 1 minute to scan back through your morning and ask whether you’ve paused to notice your own breathing. Give your stillness experience a number between 0-10 (with 0 being- I didn’t attempt it and 10 being- I took a quality moments to pause and be still and noticed the [x] quality of my breathing).
Then, set an intention for the afternoon.
3) After dinner: take 1 minute to scan back through your afternoon and do the same stillness audit. Set another intention for the evening period.
4) Before-Bed-Reflection Questions: Was is it hard to be still or pause? If so why? What is threatened by slowing down? What is liberated or possible? How does the ability to be still/pause impact the way you move through your day?
Then I’d love to hear from you- what did you notice or discover as you played with this practice? Share in the comments below!
Tuning into your body can have profound results in your leadership and life. For me, it broke an allegiance to career performativity, as it spoke up on behalf of my inner knowing and intuition. What will it liberate for you?
Xo
Jennifer
PS. If you are interested in deeper coaching that attends to the wisdom of your body and intuition (in addition to your intellectual and strategic strengths!) book a free Discovery Session here– I’d love to journey with you!
